I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

I was never the biggest U2 fan but a few years back I saw them live and they blew me AWAY. Such an amazing show! Since then I downloaded their greatest hits and 7 times this week while writing or working “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” has come up on shuffle out of 3456 songs. I am a big proponent of signs and I decided the universe was pushing me to write about some thoughts swirling in my head as of late.

I have a penchant for organized chaos ~ especially when it comes to my thoughts. One of my favorite parts of project management class ~4 years ago who learning how to map out projects into consumable little bites (basically illustrating all the tasks and sub-tasks needed for a project to be successful). The best way for me to do these activities at work is via post-its (rainbow-colored of course!) strewn across a white board then organized into pretty little rows so in the end it looks like this:

Organized chaos!

Recently I did a version of this with my life (weight loss, career, personal happiness, love life, goals – all mapped). It was EYE opening in so many ways. Reoccuring themes emerged coupled with surprise thoughts I didn’t realize I was harboring. The end goal is to sort each category then come up with logical next steps / actions for each area. I have my weight-loss visions complete but I found myself stuck on pause when it came to both career and love.

I have not found what I’m looking for in either area – not 100%.

I recently took a personality test and I was SHOCKED at the accuracy with which it pinpointed the tiniest details about me! Myers-Briggs, ENFJ if you’re curious. “The Protagonist” is my role in so many different arenas, it was uncanny how spot on the descriptions were!

Protagonists take a genuine interest in other people, approaching them with warm sociability and a helpful earnestness that rarely goes unnoticed. Altruistic careers like social and religious work, teaching, counseling, and advising of all sorts are popular avenues, giving people with the Protagonist personality type a chance to help others learn, grow, and become more independent. This attitude, alongside their social skills, emotional intelligence and tendency to be “that person who knows everybody”, can be adapted to quite a range of other careers as well.

Yes. 100%!

So I am on a quest to find what fulfills me in the career arena, perhaps it’s freelance work perhaps it’s a role change – I’m leaving the post-it yet unstuck. I’m going to let the universe surprise me.

Speaking of, this week’s horoscope seems eerily accurate!

Now when it comes to love I’ve spent the last few seasons trying a lot of different things on for size. I have not found my perfect mate but I have helped filter out a lot of what doesn’t work for me. I have the sketch of the person I want to end up with but he’s more of a feeling than a physical embodiment. He calms my craziness, he appreciates my quirks, he gets excited to see my cute face and vice versa. Each time I meet someone new (or someone old returns back into my life after a long hiatus) I pause and do a risk assessment (for lack of a better term, lol). Does this work? Could I be happy? Thus far with potential suitors the answer is no. I need more. I want more. I’m willing to wait for it….as my girl Carrie says:

 I’m looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can’t-live-without-each-other love.’

So while I wait for that love however he’s coming to me I will leave the “action” post-it for that category also yet unstuck. I still haven’t found exactly what I’m looking for and I know I am evolving while he is out there evolving and when we find each other it will be magic. ❤